INT. HEAVEN – DAY
GOD is strolling through Heaven, whistling loudly.
He opens a door. Inside is Jesus, naked. HE turns around, very shocked and surprised.
JESUS CHRIST
Oh, Jesus Christ!
GOD
Jesus Christ!
JESUS CHRIST
Hey, don’t use my name in vain!
GOD
You’re masturbating on a picture of the Virgin Mary! You’ve given up all name-not-in-vain privliedges.
JESUS CHRIST
Fuck you, Dad.
GOD
No, you know what? Fuck you, Jesus. Fuck you to Hell. I should’ve got an abortion with you. I knew you weren’t gonna be the next Einstein.
JESUS CHRIST
Jesus, God!
GOD
Oh, great. Now you’re using your own name in vain. Real mature, hypocrite.
JESUS CHRIST
If you haven’t noticed, I’ve been using my name in vain for a while now. Too busy doing lines of cocaine off angels’ tits, huh, Dad?
GOD
Oh, Jesus Christ!
GOD
Jesus Christ!
JESUS CHRIST
Hey, don’t use my name in vain!
GOD
You’re masturbating on a picture of the Virgin Mary! You’ve given up all name-not-in-vain privliedges.
JESUS CHRIST
Fuck you, Dad.
GOD
No, you know what? Fuck you, Jesus. Fuck you to Hell. I should’ve got an abortion with you. I knew you weren’t gonna be the next Einstein.
JESUS CHRIST
Jesus, God!
GOD
Oh, great. Now you’re using your own name in vain. Real mature, hypocrite.
JESUS CHRIST
If you haven’t noticed, I’ve been using my name in vain for a while now. Too busy doing lines of cocaine off angels’ tits, huh, Dad?
GOD
Hahaha. You’re so funny. Oh, look at me, I’m Jesus. I perform miracles and stand-up comedy at open mics. Hahaha. My life is one big joke.
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